Seeking Nature.

I keep searching for this pure nature place that I will feel at home. A spot not created by man through funneling water hundreds of miles away from its natural run. A spot that I could live in, even if the world went dark.

But I will never live in that world, not because it doesn’t exist, or because I can’t get there. But because it’s an ideal, and when I would get there I wouldn’t like the mosquitoes and I would miss the mountains and the sea.

The world I live in, I travel on roads carved through the wilderness, and hike on trails scraped into the woods. I search out destinations on my phone, and look at photos and reviews before ever going there. Always seeking something new something good something to experience.

But what I crave is contentment. A place I could settle down in, and put roots deeply into the soil and rocks. A place that resonates with my soul, and that feels welcoming and healing.

But nature is wild. And in civilization we forget that from a distance we see it’s gentle edges, but when we get up close all the hidden dangers poke at our softness.

What I really want is civilization in balance and harmony with nature. Tamed enough to be comfortable, or at least survivable. Balanced enough, that we accept the danger and inevitable pain,. Civilized enough that we are able to relax and enjoy. I seek the ideal, we all do.

But that requires mastery over the self. Not taking more than we need. And considering our impact on things far away, and we are bad at that. We are selfish and angry and eager to take care of those in our circle even at the expense of those outside of it.